Cat poo

WARNING. THIS BLOG IS ABOUT CAT POO....

Dearest Reader,

It is with a vexed temprement I write to you on this glorious evening. Having just moved to a house where there is some garden for me to get my teeth stuck into, I have discovered a somewhat unexpected nemesis.

The nemesis of which I speak is not a wild pest or even a noisy neighbour but none other than the silent feline(s) who use our garden as a highway to tier hunting grounds.

Let me first say this. I have had nothing against cats in the past but the events of weeks past have over me to question their sweet and 'innocent' nature. Two things have pressed my buttons...

1. They walk all over my vegetables and where I'm seeding new lawn.

Now, I am aware that I have just aged approximately 50years in that sentence but let me argue my point. I worked bloomin' hard to turn over soil patches, dig up weeds, carefully plant and filter soil. I have nurtured, watered and lovingly cared for the vegetables and flowers in my garden. I have not done this for some pesky cat to come and trample all over as if they own the place.

2. Cat poo.

For those who are not aware: cat poo smells. I mean really smells. It is revolting and toxic to plants around the garden. I have discovered that cats poo in two places and I have yet to decide which is the worst.

The first; on the lawn. In plain sight you might argue, easy to spot and avoid. No, no dear reader. A few weeks ago, whilst mowing the lawn, I was in a hurry so was whizzing around the garden trying to get the lawn cut when the air was suddenly filled with the worst smell. I had run over a cat poo, flinging the offensive substance EVERYWHERE. The air was full of it. The worst part of this event is that when you pull of the grass basin, you have to scoop the grass, knowing that there are tiny bits of the cat droppings IN THE GRASS CUTTINGS....

The second is, possibly, more vindictive. The sneaky poo is laid near a shrub or in a flower bed. This is impossible to see and so you don't know it's there until it's too late....

I have asked friends what I should do to solve the problem, here are a few of their suggestions:

1. Get a cat

2. Get a dog

3. Lay tiger poo

4. Put barbed wire around the top of my fences

5. Buy a gun

These obviously get more ridiculous as we go through, however, none are currently possible.

So, dear reader, I turn to you. I need your help and if I don't have help, the cats very existence may be at risk.

Comment below with any helpful tips!

Kindest regards,

Your friendly blogger